We all provide tells. We tell on ourselves. To come right out and say... This is my secret! Isn’t it. People usually say one thing, then do another; actors upon a stage for the great performance! Most of the time, it’s not very convincing but once in a while, you get a player prolific at his craft. Then it’s Game on!
When men ask me to reveal the secrets of women, what the hell do I know about the secrets of an entire gender? I’m just one woman. I can only speak to my own preferences and offer my opinion based on what I observe in other women. I do however prefer to keep it real, so let’s get real shall we? It’s just beating around the bush. What one really wants to learn is the secret to me. It’s a courting game at best, and at its worst a game of Cat & Mouse. Who gets the cheese?
I’m not completely heartless, I’ll offer a little insight from time to time. I have a soft-spot for the under-dog, always have. Not because I pity him but because I’ve learned through personal experience, I’m about to get my mind blown. The guy who has it all together certainly doesn’t need my help. His strategies are already at work. Make no mistake it’s just the competition of the thing, he’s in it for the challenge. No guaranteed win. He’s using the secrets of other women as if that is a sound strategy. He wants what he wants but why he wants it is typically rooted in some deep-seated issue. I’m no stranger to being a trophy. I’ll permit it from time to time as a means to my ends. People use each other, I just happen to be more realistic about it. I’m not offended by it and can’t help but laugh when people get their panties in a twist when they find out they were just being used. If it’s mutually beneficial to all parties involved, I don’t see the problem.
The under-dog pays attention to detail, while the top-dog is busy convincing himself he’s already won. While I can admire his confidence, his unfounded arrogance has him blinded and the tail wags the dog. The under-dog isn’t expected to just cut through all the bullshit, not play the game and just steal the cheese right out from under you. He’s no stranger to conflict, or losing a few. It’s helped to build his character and conviction. A set back doesn’t make him frustrated or angry, it gives him cause to persevere.
The game is fixed anyway and I cheat.
I admit to dropping details. Thing is, you have to be smart enough to know when it’s genuine and when I’m just testing what you’re made of. I’ll even offer a few guidelines to save me the hassle of an obvious handicap:
1. Don’t interpret my facial expressions – you’ll always be wrong.
2. Don’t take everything I say as Gospel – I’m a liar.
3. Don’t have any expectations – Or else be disappointed.
Simple right? Not exactly a secret either.
Yet the top-dog seems convinced he’ll learn to read the signs, teach me the value of truth and why expectations are important to fulfillment of personal standards. It never works. Even if I provide some leeway. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not beating down Casanova here. I’ve learned more about myself through my experiences with this type than I ever would have if I shot him down from the get-go. These types keep you on your toes, they keep you honest.
It’s all: “Hey baby, I got a great job, a car and my own house! I’m a catch!”
Nevermind that he’s probably a psychological train wreck with a metric ton of baggage and sucks in bed, but hey he looks good and has a check in all the proper boxes right?
I’m reminded of this associate of mine that spent her early 20’s bragging about the gorgeous guy she would marry. It was all for appearances. She wouldn’t be caught dead with an 8 escorting her to dinner. No way. She’s too hot for that! Flash-forward, she finds her beau, married him but he’s given her nothing but grief since. She took on his mental baggage, his procrastination, his poor-performance and his skill for selling her bullshit. He’s the quintessential snakeoil salesman. She wasn’t even smart enough for a pre-nuptial agreement so rather than giving up her assets, she’s in a loveless marriage with a lover on the side. She’s in a mad love affair with guess who? An under-dog!
I told you so, is an understatement.